


Frozen Fire

by firelord-zuzu-the-jerkbender (fatherlords)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Anxiety, Because of the burn and stuff, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Sokka Comforting Zuko, Trauma, Zuko is Not Okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:07:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatherlords/pseuds/firelord-zuzu-the-jerkbender
Summary: Zuko is sad, but it spirals and he doesn't understand where this comes from
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Kudos: 82





	Frozen Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Tw: severe depression, dissociation, freezing and going non-verbal, flashbacks

Zuko was in pain. He had been for a while now, but he was so accustomed to it that he barely noticed. He was so used to having a busy mind, so used to brushing his pain off, that he wasn't sure how to process this feeling.

It started slowly, of course, boredom into a sullen mood. He wasn't quite sure when it spiralled into nauseating distress like this. It fogged his mind, made him want to cry out and beg for his mother to take the pain away.

He was too scared to cry about it, though. His father would never allow that. The lump in his throat didn't seem to care about his fear, a shaky breath threatening to spill tears. Zuko held them back, holding his breath until it burned and letting it out so slow he couldn't even hear his own breath, barely even felt himself breathe.

He stayed still, motionless. He kept his breathing quiet, even when tears began to track down his cheeks. He kept his breathing silent until the fuzzy dizziness of held back tears had him laying on his side staring at the ground into space, until he lost all concept of time, of thought, of reality. Until he was afraid that so much as a finger twitch would seal his fate, but the anxiety and fear he should've felt alongside those thoughts didn't bubble up, didn't come to him. It was like he couldn't process anything but this giant wall of distress, with no cause and no end, and no explanation. 

It wasn't a dark enough place, he thought, because he was still scared of death and dying. It didn't need his attention, it wasn't real pain. It wasn't deep enough to be real pain. 

He tried so hard to sleep, but the anxiety finally started to bubble up to the surface, with no trigger, no rhyme or reason. It churned in his gut until he could no longer lay on his side out of fear he may throw up. He lay on his back, as still and as quiet as he could, even when the anxiety numbed his fingers, even when his chest felt as though a rib had fractured and forced a bone dagger through his heart, even when he could feel his pulse pounding everywhere from his stomach to his teeth. He kept his breathing calm and quiet, kept his expression blank.

His pained expression was so normal for him that it became a mask he didn't want to wear, because he was screaming out beneath it and nobody heard his cries for help and when all they saw was the mask, the mask gagged him and took his voice. So his sad face was his normal face, and thus everybody thought he was okay.

He wanted to cry more, but he couldn't. He knew if he let go of his restraint, he'd spiral, he'd be terrified, and he'd scream and cry and lash out at himself and break down vulnerable with no sense of who he was or what he was doing and no way to visualise the pain ending. He'd barely remember anything of it, in the hours after. So he didn't want to cry. He couldn't cry. He couldn't lose vulnerable hours to violent tears again. Crocodile tears, is what people would think. Zuko kept screaming out for help inside hoping somebody would hear him.

The hopelessness was setting in with the anxiety, like the pain was the end of everything and he wanted to close his eyes so he wouldn't have to suffer through the ending of his pain coming crashing down on him like a rock. 

Zuko didn't want to hurt anymore, but there was nothing he could do about it.

He was interrupted by the sound of shuffling getting closer, and he froze, and he hated that he froze. He slowed his breathing as much as he could until he couldn't be sure he was still breathing, staring straight up ahead, not even daring to move his head. He lay there even as his vision blurred around the peripheral, until his scar began to tingle and burn and he could smell burning flesh and he had to remind himself that it wasn't real and he needed to stay still-

"Zuko…"

Zuko held his breath, stayed deathly still even when Sokka shook his shoulder, didn't blink when his eyes burned. 

"Zuko…?" Sokka sounded scared, "Zuko are you dead?" 

No, Zuko replied, help me. But no sound came out. 

"Oh fuck um-" Zuko felt fingers prod into his neck- he knew Sokka was checking for a pulse, but he jerked up and away from the touch, scorching the grass in front of him with an accidental blast from his hand, and covered his face- "Zuko-"

"DON'T!"

"I- okay, I'm backing off-"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"I'm not, I won't, I- Zuko, what's wrong?" Zuko was frozen again, and he hated it, because every instinct was telling him to lash out and run but all he could do was gasp for breath and stay deathly still before gripping his hair tightly, rocking in a vain attempt to self soothe.

"I don't know," he snapped in distress, "I don't know…"


End file.
